The art of conversation.

With six people in my house, it should come as no surprise that it can be quite a noisy place to live in at times.  I actively encourage freedom of expression when airing ones views and opinions, and enjoy getting into a good debate about topical subjects with anyone who may care to join in.

I have also carried this ethos on with my children. Although not everyone thinks it is good idea.

I allow the older two to watch the news. I think it is important for them to see what is happening around the world and why things happen the way they do. It also invites discussion about things which they may not quite understand and want to know more about. I in turn welcome this.

I believe in being able to make good conversation with others, and have tried to instill this skill into my children.
Thankfully, my eldest has never had a problem with being able to articulate himself. He speaks exceptionally well for a child of his age, and has had many a compliment from adults on his confidence and ability to hold his own in discussion.
My second child - Daniel - is a little more wary when it comes to speaking and having a conversation. He never really knows what adults are talking about unless it is explained to him in detail and even then, when asked for an opinion, he buckles and becomes shy.
I don't have a problem with this at all, everyone develops at different rates, some are good with words, others make far better listeners. Some are able to lead discussions, others are better at remembering the finer points of one.
Either way, I believe the art of conversation is an important skill to learn, and for most children that begins at home.

You have to talk to your children to make them understand exactly what talking is about.
It's not just about asking questions and giving one word answers. It's as much about listening, as it is about being able to respond.

Ethan enjoys being able to sit and discuss something/anything which takes his interest. One of the main problems he had with school, was that during a lesson, he would want to ask questions about something, or delve deeper into the meaning of something which was being taught, and schools just don't have the time to entertain such inquisitiveness these days. On many occasions he told me how he would be sat in his chair, with his hand up waiting for the teacher to notice him and answer his query, only to be ignored. When eventually the teacher spotted him, the question he asked was no longer relevant, as the rest of the class - or rather the teacher - had moved on to the next thing. Consequently, Ethan had missed the majority of what the teacher was attempting to teach. In the end, Ethan stopped asking questions...and ultimately, stopped learning.

When dealing with kids at home, you have to be aware that they will ask questions...the constant why's, when's, what-for's are all there to build a picture in their minds of the world around them. As parents, I believe it is our job to nourish that, and nurture it, and help it grow and develop far beyond mere classroom curiosity.

Nothing infuriates me more than when one of my children, or indeed any child, attempts to join in with a conversation and is ignored, or worse still told to be quiet, to go and play etc. Respect is something which is earned, not given away like candy. If you show a child that what they have to say is as equally important as anything any adult blabbers about, then they will learn to not only respect adults more, but also themselves, as they will learn that what they think and say, matters.

I actively teach this to my children. I tell them, that if they have something to say they should say it. But I also warn them to be aware that some people will not like a child's contribution. Some still live in the dark ages of 'seen and not heard'.
I believe the main reason for this, is that in fact many adults don't like the truth and honesty children lace their words with. If they don't like something they are wont to say so.  Adults are taught by society that sometimes it is best to keep ones mouth closed and to hold ones tongue if what may come out differs greatly from what the majority are talking about. No one really likes to stand out as different, do they?
I personally am not like that, and if that makes me infantile in my social behaviour, then so be it. I have indeed lost a few friends by telling them that their new dress does make their bums look fat!
If you don't want an honest opinion...don't ask for one at all. At least, not from me.

And as far as my kids are concerned, I know that if they say they don't like something, it's because they genuinely don't like it, not because they just can't be bothered to try it, or make polite talk to weed out of giving an honest reply.
The flipside of all this honesty, is that when engaging them in conversation, you know that the opinions they are expressing are entirely their own, and not simply borrowed from what they may have overheard, or what they think they should be saying in order to continue the conversation.

Being able to talk well to anyone, regardless of their status, background, religion or interests, is vitally important in being able to make a positive impression. I believe this is far more useful in many situations than paper qualifications.  - something which i will be further exploring in another post later.


Loz