Recently, it has been brought to my attention that if a child is not exactly as expected these days as far as mainstream school is concerned, they are likely to earn an adverse label of some sort.
For example, take my 3 and a half year old. He was a wonderful baby, and an even better 2 year old. We had no problems at all. Then a few weeks ago, he decided to change from a bubbly happy go lucky toddler to the pre-teen from hell.
He shouts back. Argues. Pulls the cats tail and has taken to throwing himself onto the sofa in miserable abandon when asked to do something - or indeed to stop doing something.
It would appear that we have at last hit the terrible twos...albeit a bit later than expected.
Now, I as a 4th time around mother can more than handle this, and have the necessary skills in place to A; ignore the unwanted attention seeking behaviour, and B; effectively teach him which barriers can be tested, and which certainly cannot. Thus educating him whilst allowing him to actually make some mistakes - which I think is vitally important.
However, it would appear that his pre-school, which he attends 3 mornings a week, is having difficulties in handling him (a story I am more than familiar with).
I will not be getting into the finer points of where why and how at this time, suffice it to say that I find myself on yet another soap box about something related to the school system in this country. I will simply be putting forth some questions with what I believe to be the correct answers next to them.
Q: Why can they not handle him?
A: Because he does not sit in one place, doing one activity, like the good robot he should be.
Q: Why is his behaviour at this time, a cause for concern?
A: Because it takes too much effort/time/knowledge/ability/money to actually educate/disipline children in pre-school settings these days, he is a strain on the system.
Q: What is the easiest way of handling the situation as far as the setting is concerned?
A: To ask the parents to cut down on the hours he spends there.
Q; What is likely to happen when he starts school?
A: He will most likely immediately be put on the SEN register.
Q: is this a course of action that is likely to help him?
A: NO.
From as early as pre-school, it is obvious that if certain children do not fit in to the desired pigeon hole of what the system deems 'normal' they face a long and hard road of segregation, labelling and prejudice ahead of them.
My sons shouts too much when he feels he is not being heard...He must have emotional problems.
My son throws tantrums when told to stop doing something he is enjoying, and is told to do something he has no interest in...he must need behavioural re-programming.
My son has a mind of his own, and enjoys testing the boundaries placed upon him by others ....He must be eradicated from the system and swept under the carpet before he realises his own voice!!!
For crying out loud!
When will the system learn to embrace children in all their glory, with all their differences? When they realise that those differences could make educating them so much more exciting?
Anyway, today, Ethan is going to have a fun day playing with Lego at another HE family's house. He is excited about sorting out some of his favourite constructions and taking them along to show others..as well as actually helping some of the younger kids to explore their inner creativity.
Would he ever have had the chance to do something like that at school? No. He loves being around younger kids, and they gravitate towards him like something you have never seen..which is funny, because when he was at pre-school, we were told constantly that he was too loud, too aggressive and socially backward.
Sound familiar anyone?
Loz
Interesting. I used to run a support group for parents with 'difficult' children. Some of them were just like your son. That is to say that they had minds of their own and didn't want to be dragged away from the painting they were doing, simply because it was time to sing a song. I suppose that one can see the problem from the point of view of nurseries and schools. When you have thirty children, it can be impossible to operate unless they are all doing as they are told and doing the same thing at the same time. It would not be possible to run a school otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI am curious to know why you are sending him, Loz? Does he enjoy it so much that the occasional problem like this makes the neterprise worthwile? I suppose it could also be argued that he is learning a valuable lesson in fitting in with the wishes of others and doing as he is told; both things which he will need in later life. I did not myself find this argument convincing, which is of course why i didn't send my kid to school. It is a point of view though.
It's an interesting questyion you pose. let me explain my situation a little better.
ReplyDeleteI have 4 kids, the oldest is being Home schooled, my 11 year old attends secondary school, my 3 year old obviously hasnt started yet, and the other is only 6 months.
For my 11 year old, school is what HE wants. And as a parent I can see that at this present time, it is the best option for him. For the 13 year old, HE is definitely the best option. Which leaves me in a quandry of sorts.
up until last september, my oldest was mainstream schooled, and did fairly well. Circumstances led us to HE. So, despite my rantings I am not anti-school. Which is why I was willing to give my youngest 2 the chance of attending. However, having home schooled for a while now, I am having to give serious thought as to what I will be choosing for the other two. And the points you make do emphasise the amount of thought needed.
I think it's often about teaching one lesson above all others - conform. Our younger child tried nursery school for about two weeks and one of the most infuriating incidents I observed was when a teacher tricked him out of wearing his rucksack indoors and took it away to the pegs. The rucksack wasn't heavy (it contained a favourite picture book) and it didn't cause any inconvenience to anyone else. The teacher just wanted him to conform and leave his bag on a peg. It was a comfort for a three year old but that was clearly not as important as him looking like everyone else...
ReplyDelete@Allie. Yep, that one would have rattled my cge too.
ReplyDeleteIt's so sad. At such a young age, kids are only just beginning to discover who they are, then someone comes along and tells them 'actually, no, this is who you should be, because it fits in better'.
Infuriating.